Relationships, Relationships, Relationships!
Recently I was celebrating a friend’s birthday, and I was introduced to a group of people as Alana the Teacher. One person exclaimed, ‘Oh, I don’t know how you do it. Trying to manage all those children would be a nightmare!’ I replied, ‘You just have to love them.’
I have never thought my approach to behaviour management was special. Caring for every child comes naturally to me and as a result, they respect me and want to do their best. With over 15 years’ experience of working in schools, there are some simple strategies that parents and educators can implement to improve relationships with children to create safe and positive environments. There are many techniques to build relationships, but these easy focus points can get you started and will have quick results.
1. Focus on Strengths
All children are unique and have their own strengths and interests. By having a strengths-based approach, we can intentionally seek to understand and highlight their strengths. As adults, we naturally look for areas of improvement by correcting manners, disapproving inappropriate behaviour or stopping them from risk-taking behaviours. While it is important for children to understand socially acceptable behaviour, it is crucial to celebrate what a child can do and give them opportunities to show their strengths in different contexts. Each child learns at different times and in different ways, therefore we cannot expect them all to behave in the same way. One child may still be learning to share but is inclusive of other children during play, while another child may find keeping regulated in the classroom difficult but thrives in the outdoors and shows appreciation and care for the natural world. By focusing on what they can do, we are seeing their strengths and as a result, we can establish trust and mutual respect which allows children to thrive.
2. Learn their Interests
With fads shown in the media, it can seem that children of certain ages are interested in particular things; however, just as with their strengths, they have varied interests. Taking the time to learn their interests has a big impact. Children don’t care about the content or information you are trying to impart on them unless they know that you see them. Asking them about their weekend or holiday, remembering little facts and following up with questions at a later time shows that you are interested in finding out more too better understand them. If children know that they are cared for, when difficult conversations around their behaviour are needed, they are receptive and more open to learning from their mistakes.
3. Be a Mistake-Maker
Everyone makes mistakes. Some big, some small - I make them all the time. Children are always watching us and look to adults to learn how to interact and behave. Correcting children’s mistakes, even with the best of intentions, can often lead to children believing adults are perfect, resulting in feelings of shame if they don’t live up to our expectations. If we verbalise our mistakes, it normalises mistake-making, allowing and encouraging children to take risks and be open to feedback. I often make spelling mistakes when writing on the board or forget to be somewhere at the correct time or accidently throw a non-recyclable container in the recycle bin. When the children notice and correct my mistake I acknowledge my error, apologise and make the changes necessary to repair the mistake. This models that adults can make mistakes too and demonstrates how children can be accountable when inevitably they also make a mistake. Ultimately, we want children to feel safe with us as their trusted adults and know that mistake-making will happen, but they will be supported when it does.